Bonding? Yes Please, I thought you would never ask...

FYI we are not teenagers. I just love this photo, and yes we were once
 teenagers:)

 One of the most important things in the African culture is harmony and togetherness in the family and this has been the central pillar to an upright society. Every family had a very strict father, most times, it was very hard to sit and have a conversation with him because he was a disciplinarian who ensured that nobody did anything to tarnish the family’s name and reputation. This may sound dictatorial, it actually is dictatorial, but for some reason it worked. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that we should go back too that style of living per se. What I would like to present to you is the thought that parents need to spend more time with their children then they are doing now. I will tell you why in a bit. A friend of mine likes to call it economic orphans, to mean young kids who lack the presence of their parent because their parents are out building the economy.

The reality of the matter is that it is getting harder by the minute to even create time for the kids and the family because our jobs are too demanding, but woe unto us, because that is the beginning of moral decay in our children. We just need to make time to bond and just talk with them let them know that we care and we love them

I was able to visit my cousin in one of the recently elevated national schools. There was a hot debate between the parents and the students concerning half term. The students wanted to come home for half term but their parents wanted them to stay in school and instead have visiting day on the weekend of the half term. It was a heated debate. I found it strange that the parents did not want to have their children home for half term. That was a shock to me.  The pupils were then asked to give reasons as to why they want to have half term. The reason was simple, it is a time to relax and just cool off from the pressures of school. Time to bond with family, time to take a break from Moles and organic chemistry and time to rejuvenate.

The parents though felt that these reasons were not good enough so they gave their own reasons why they thought the children should not be allowed to go home for half term.

The first parent stood up and said that when the children leave school they indulge in alcohol and drug abuse therefore it was better that they stayed in school and studied, the second reason was that the children were becoming lazy, how could they request for time to relax and yet they should be studying? 

The parent added that since the school was recently elevated from a provincial school to a national school, the students needed to work harder so that they are able to keep up with the standards and that half term was a waste of time and money because the parent will have to get fare for the child and feed him over the period of half term this was seemingly not in his budget(this reason made me laugh because think about it, wont this parent be using the same amount on fare when he/she visits the child?).

 The final parent who happens to be a scientist stood and said in a profession like his profession, there is no time to sleep hence the student could not afford to think of half term. (I asked myself does he imagine that everyone will become a scientist?

At the end of this long gruesome debate, the parents won the debate and the students had to stay in school over the half term break. I looked at this from a bigger picture and I wish that all parents did the same

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When the child transits from primary school to high school the moments that parents spend with the children drastically reduce, this is because in high school the child will probably be in a boarding school and if not, they will be held up with assignments and group discussions. High school is also an identity stage for most children. This is the period when they figure out who they are, what kind of friends they need to keep, the decisions they need to make in life. This is also the phase of their lives when they pass through adolescents and they notice people of the opposite sex in a different way. In my opinion this is probably the time when we either lose our children forever or the time when we help them build a firmer foundation that will not be shaken.

Think through this with me, Most times when schools closed, the students have to go back for holiday tuition, and if they do not go back for the holiday tuition in the various schools, the parents will ensure they have tuition at home and so the same school routine continues, they eventually open for school and the cycle goes on for the four years that they are in high school. Without knowing it they the children become strangers to their own parents and their own homes. When they finish schools the parent barely know who their children are because they never walked with them through the journey of life.

Mum and I (ignore picture quality)

After high school the child is technically out of their hands because when they go to campus the parents will have no idea what the children do or what kind of lives they lead. There is little that one can do as a parent once the child has left the nest.

My mother used to tell me even if you have been released from school for half a day, come home. I thought that was hilarious but she knew what she meant. She knew the importance of spending those few minutes with me. To date, I am glad that she insisted.

This may not be a solution to all the problems but hey if we can use this to make a difference for one or two children why not?